This exists and it’s called the “Teenar” because, you know, it’s a combination of a teenage girl AND a guitar. This “thing” is the embodiment of every misogynist (or misogyny in general) comment I’ve ever encountered playing guitar in a band or walking into a music store: “You play good for a girl.” “Isn’t that Les Paul you’re playing a bit heavy for you? There are lighter guitars for girls.” “Shouldn’t you use lighter gauge strings?” “Let me get that for you, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” There are only so many ways you can tell the staff at Guitar Center to eff themselves.
I very rarely feel a violent reaction toward an inanimate object but I hate the “Teenar.” I want to destroy it in a heated rage while listening to Le Tigre’s “Deceptacon.” Sure, I could create a male parody of the guitar and name it “peenar.” Wouldn’t that be so cute? Me playing a guitar that looks like teenage boy and has a strategically placed fretboard. I could post pictures of me with “peen” all over my blog like the one above. How culturally feminist of me. “I don’t date men but I play one.” What a great tagline. But no. I’m not really interested in some ridiculous heterosexist, gender binary parodying guitar.
I hate you, “Teenar,” but I hate the culture that gave rise to you and valorizes your builder for creating you even more.