“

It’s not hard to imagine how the less confident students, despite moving in a forum that promised connections galore, might grow more isolated, revving the cycle all over again.

I find these results oddly heartbreaking. It seems an irony typical of the Internet that the people who feel safest expressing themselves online actually damage their social standing when they do so. Not because they’re somehow opting out of the real world, as Facebook critics like to insist, but because they are lulled into relaxing their facades. Cheery icons and a shiny, sanitized format make it easy to project the friendliness of a diary onto the Facebook community. Yet the site doesn’t “change” your audience so much as disguise it. Those with low self-esteem may treasure Facebook because it eliminates situations in which social feedback is inevitable (whereas you can’t help seeing your friend’s aggrieved expression when you slip up in person). But you need live feedback to teach you to navigate relationships with grace.

We’ve heard how Internet anonymity—or the illusion of it—can give people license to act like boors. Yet it seems we’re less attuned to the dangers of seeing other Internet users as anonymous or unreal. Social networking sites, with their endlessly personalized apps, can sometimes feel less like meeting places than giant mirrors (Facebook for me has always had the echoey effect of a mansion that a crowd of partiers has just vacated.) Amanda Forest’s study should remind us that when we’re online, for better or for worse, we’re not alone.

”

From Slate’s “If You Think Your Facebook “Friends” Don’t Like You, They Probably Don’t”

“But you need live feedback to teach you to navigate relationships with grace.” I don’t think I could like this sentence more if I tried. Real time social dynamics, especially negative ones, can be incredibly powerful catalysts for individual growth. But more importantly, having opinions, even ones that are perceived as unsavory, are what make you interesting and worthwhile as a person. That being said, someone who is constantly negative in their FB updates may be perceived as trying to gain attention or deliberately trying to be provocative which, in turn, can incite more people to dislike them. There is a fine line between being opinionated and being a whiny jerk. 

Notes

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  4. fotzepolitic said: Now looking forward to essays on social anxiety disorder online.
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